𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐄

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚅𝙸𝙸𝙸: 𝙸 𝙳𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚒𝚝 𝚊 𝚂𝚞𝚒𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎

I have never expected such an unimaginable reaction from the boy who agreed to my mother. She trusted him more than herself and offered me as his wife.

 Giving up education on the name of sickness, I agreed to marry to him. After marrying at the mid teen, I have agreed to listen to his ideas of making our life better.

 All the way from Tashiyangtse, I have agreed to come to Thimphu with him. After reaching Thimphu, I was like a person holding the Rubik’s Cube for the first time yet I acted like one of the residents of Thimphu. 

Since the night we shifted to our own rented house and since the night I informed him about the pregnancy, I became the saddest person. I had to cry day and night regretting about my decision. I believe, my mother decided what best for me but my life was turning into a Bhutanese movie with tragic ending.

I remembered Tashi’s mom. She told me to inform her whenever he behaves weird. I thought to complain but I had to think about my mother. As a mother in-law to Tashi and as the closest neighbours, their relationship and trust would be broken. Through the course of journey filled with struggles, I was learning myself with experiences. 

Tashi changed. He came home late in the night and he would be completely drunk. The amount of money kept on decreasing in his pockets and I started to worry about house rent, rations and some necessities at home. They were diminishing faster than I thought. Sometimes, there would not be any milk powder to prepare a tea. 

As a housewife, I had nowhere to go. I prepared the dinner for him and waited for him. Otherwise, he would keep on shouting for sleeping early. In that small house, I experienced the worst hell. 

One day, as usual, Tashi went to perform rituals. I was all alone at home. There was heavy rain. The rivers around Thimphu valley were rising their volumes than normal. Roads were painted brown because of floods. There, I found a great opportunity.

I decided to end my life!

I ran quickly along the roads. Tears were mixing with rain and my heart was flooded like roads with sorrows. I took the turn from Babesa Zero towards Olakha. After few minutes, I was standing on a long bridge.

 

I was positioning myself to jump! But, I feared the height and I needed enough courage.

I started to recollect the arguments between Tashi and me. I recollected about how he denied the baby inside me. I thought about the burdens I have given to my mom and to my friends in the school. 

There were two sides, one compelling me to commit suicide. 

“You are useless! You have given lot of sufferings to your mom. You have given up on your education to marry a man who doesn’t love you. Now, you are a pregnant woman. If you don’t die today, who is going to feed the baby inside your stomach? If your mother knows about how you are making fortunes in Thimphu, she might die as well. If Tashi doesn’t accept the baby, who is going to be the father? Jump!”

Then, there was the other side, “Lhamo, don’t you know? How happy your mom and dad were when you were born? You are the gem and you are their precious. I know, your father is no more in the world but he is always there watching you. It will be the biggest mistake if you commit a suicide today. Even if you are not willing to live, the baby inside your belly would be waiting to see the bright sun, chirping birds and beauty of the world. You can still live a life as a mom. Won’t you be happy to hear that my mom is the bravest warrior by your child? I know, you have a big heart to fight”.

I didn’t know which one to listen. When I realized, I was screaming at the top of my voice. There were vehicles passing by but they didn’t seem to hear me screaming. The sound of rain was louder than my scream.

“You are wasting your time and wasting your life. Nothing is going to get better. When you give birth, who is going to look after you? You cannot go to your village because you are afraid of breaking your mother’s heart. Will she expect you to come empty handed and a child without a father? Is this the fortune you wanted to make after coming to Thimphu?”

The other side was defeated and it remained silent. At this point, I got enough courage to jump and end my life. 

“Dear mom and dad, I could not be the daughter you always wished me to. However, I am grateful for the best parents I had in my life. I could not achieve anything and I had been, for most of my life as a source of burdens. I will pray for the rebirth as a family. Farewell, mom and dad. I will always love two of you”.

“To the little one! You are still sleeping in the stomach. I know how much excited you are to see the world. You are excited to see your mama’s face. You want to play with your friends and go to school together. But, I am sorry. I don’t want you to suffer. Let me pray that we born together as child and mother when the days are bright. I am sorry dear!”

I stepped closer to the edge of the bridge. I let one of my slippers fly down into the muddy river. Slowly, I closed my eyes.

𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨, 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙩𝙤𝙤. 𝙇𝙚𝙩'𝙨 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙡𝙚𝙙𝙜𝙚! 𝙄𝙣𝙫𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨!

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